New & Improved -with Extra Cudgels

I have deleted the other spew that was here before. It was a lot of pointless ranting. I also failed miserably at keeping it up to date. I believe that if you're going to write that type of tripe and hack that it should at least be fresh. This space will still contain pointless ranting and low-quality verbiage, but the content will be new and improved. Sort of like putting a nice, spiffy shine on a crap-ass car.

Before, when I wrote stuff, it was sort of the equivalent of standing out in the backyard and screaming --but not so loud that the neighbors might call the cops. That would be ironic.

Now, when I write, I plan on taking my audience into consideration. I do this to prove that a person can be considerate of those whose lives are so dolorous that they may not only waste server space in this manner, but also find themselves among the lowly creatures that read this type of bilge. I can look at them and say to myself, "See, if Maureen Dowd can do it, so can you."

You know what I think would be neat? If walking sticks became in fashion again. It would be sort of cool to stroll about with a stick like in the "good ol' days." A stick that wouldn't break when it met the back of one's neck. Sumac. Not that I want to harm anyone, mind you, --but having the option would be most delightful.

I've always thought it was kind of prissy for a man to carry a stick to ward off a dog. I do understand that there are some unfortunate curs out there that would not hesitate to maul a man's leg, or if he were small in stature, perhaps cause some fatal harm. But, having walked to school through several blocks of loose and free-roaming canines as a spindly youth, I seem to have managed. A grown man can surely do better. The stick would be more gainfully employed upon the dog's master or the uncaring bastard that left him abandoned in the street.

A cane for the purpose of defense against a human of aggressive nature, on the other hand, would be a pleasant device. When approached by some grinning band of hoodlums looking for sport, the notion of lobbing one of them about the face with an ash stick has a certain nostalgia all its own. One might even say something British, like, "How's that for you, old chap?" Of course, what happens after that momentary bit of satisfaction might not be so pleasant. For whom it is unpleasant, though, depends on other variables outside the scope of this little imagining.

Having a good portion of Irish blood coursing through my veins, the shillelagh also comes to mind as a choice affectation. Can you imagine making your way about town with a cudgel? That sounds so cool, there just has to be a law against it. Now, I'm not expressing an inclination toward violent resolution, but sometimes it's the only thing some fellows understand.

At any rate, it seems the days of the gentleman and his cane are long since gone. Perhaps, it is for the better. After all, it would be sort of unsightly to see a couple of brutes on the corner engaged in a stick fight. Their knives and guns would soon become neglected. Eyes could be extinguished. Someone could even get a splinter, which might get infected.

I think it was Theodore Roosevelt that implored us to "speak softly and carry a big stick." Then someone said to "walk tall," instead of speaking softly, while carrying the big stick. Then someone said "walk hard." Then someone invented the Segway. I bet that could pack a wallop.

There's really no cause for alarm. I'm not itching to beat the devil out of anyone. That is, anyone in particular.